Backseat drivers are annoying, and we dread having them along for the ride. But there is a much better reason not to let them into your car. Backseat driving poses a danger to you and to the other passengers in your car—including the backseat driver. The barrage of criticisms from the backseat driver lead to distracted driving, an important risk factor for sometimes catastrophic car accidents. Backseat driving is all about control. So give them something else to control: have them look up directions and navigate; choose the playlist; or find points of interest along the way.
What Do Backseat Drivers Say?
What are backseat drivers most likely to say from behind you (as opposed to behind the wheel)? The five most frequent comments are, according to one UK study:
- There’s a car there
- You should’ve gone the other way
- You’re going a bit fast
- You could get a double-decker bus through that
- You’re a bit close to that car
Distance and Visibility Concerns
Spatial awareness is the common theme here, with three of these spoken phrases referring to distance and overall visibility while in the act of driving a car. This tells us something about the major concerns of the backseat driver, and why they feel they must direct you.
Some other comments you might hear:
- “Don’t worry, we’ve got all day!”
- “Could get a double decker bus through that”
- “Why have you stopped?”
- “How on earth did you pass your test?”
- “There’s a car there”
Who’s Your Backseat Driver?
Who are the backseat drivers in your life? If it’s your spouse, a parent, even a friend, handling the situation can be tricky. While their comments may irritate you, it’s best not to engage, as it could damage the relationship. It’s crucial then, to find a way to deal with the problem without starting WWIII.
Here are six polite strategies for dealing with backseat drivers:
- Tell them about the dangers of backseat driving
The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) reported that distracted driving for claiming 3,522 lives in 2021, alone. Backseat drivers think they are helping you. They don’t realize that they pose a distraction that could lead to a catastrophic crash. You might say that you appreciate their good intentions—that you know they’re trying to help you drive more safely—but that you find their comments distracting, which could lead to unsafe driving that could have catastrophic results.
- In a calm voice, tell the backseat driver how you feel
Listening to the barrage of backseat driver comments and criticisms can rile up even the most even-tempered driver. But most of the time, backseat drivers do what they do because of their own anxiety. Getting angry with them only increases their concerns and fears. Rather than lose it, take a deep breath, validate their concerns, and calmly and dispassionately let them know they’re wrecking your mood which could end up having a negative impact on your driving performance.
- Don’t drive recklessly
Some backseat drivers do what they do out of fear. They may have been in a bad accident, or they may be afraid of cars and driving just in general. Backseat driving is all about control, but the backseat driver knows that some things are out of their control, and that makes them feel powerless. Being the best driver you can be gives that backseat Karen less to worry about, which means fewer criticisms about your driving. Win-win.
- Find other ways to satisfy the backseat driver’s need for control
Backseat driving isn’t really about driving. Rather it’s about a need for control. The backseat driver is a control-freak. They need to be in charge or they feel powerless, adrift. And that’s a scary feeling. The solution is to give them something else to control. Have them calculate how many miles to the next rest stop; or ask them to Google a cute place to have lunch. It could really be anything and if you prepare ahead of time, you’ll never run out of ideas of things that your backseat Karen can happily control. This should—best scenario—keep them calm and content to let you take absolute control of the wheel.
- Put on a podcast or play an audiobook
It’s hard to listen and direct the driver from the backseat at one and the same time. Especially if you engage them with exciting and fascinating listening material. Backseat drivers, like other people, have likes and interests. Do they like mysteries? Politics? Standup comedy? Find something compelling, and they’ll be too absorbed in active listening to criticize and direct your driving.
- Tell them you can’t take them
Be careful how you say it, but explain that you find their comments distract you, and that you fear the consequences of distracted driving. This, however, is the approach of last resort. You’ve tried everything else, and they just won’t stop directing you from behind. It is undeniable: it may hurt the relationship, and that is unfortunate, but taking a stand just may save lives, including that of the backseat driver.
